Nightmare

Dear Husband that I though I married,


I'm shaken....shaken to my core. There is not much sleep to be had around here lately, and seems to be getting smaller by the day. Even in my ambien laden haze the past week, the nightmares have started to come. I haven't been able to remember details about any of them except there was me.....there was you.....and there was a lot of pain. I've been waking up unsettled and rest broken, but then again, should I be surprised that I am dreaming of you?


So tonight, I drifted off to sleep on the couch, unmedicated which is amazing in itself, it was all clear as crystal as I shot straight off the couch with my heart pounding and bowling ball size pit in my stomach. I can remember every detail, see every moment and feel every emotion. We were fighting again....you were lying again...but this time you started to hit me as I was taking our girl and trying to leave. I felt you were about to go there, so I was trying to get an escort to help me leave safely with our girl. It was the middle of the night, and remember standing next to the front door when you came charging at me, and as you dragged me down the hallway after a sobering punch or two. I started yelling our address into the phone and sobbing Help! Help!

The neighbors gathered but no one stepped in. You stopped and played it off as if nothing happened and as they turned their heads you returned to beating me.

Then I woke up......and you weren't there. You had always been there up to this point. You'd hold me after a bad dream reassuring me it was just that, a dream. And whatever ludicrous thing that I had dreamt would never happen....there was a safety in your arms....

So I was weak, and I called hoping you would answer and comfort me....and maybe even tell me this whole situation was just that....a nightmare.....but you didn't answer....and I am left here with my broken heart, shaken soul and this lovely blog.

Holding out and not sure why,

Your patiently waiting wife