Sunday, September 5, 2010

In the Quiet

Dear Ball-less Wonder,

There are only a few moments when I feel the hole that you aren't here. It is usually that moment as I just lay down at night, and realize that you aren't coming to bed....the spot next to me will remain empty....and how long it has been like that even if your were physically there. I wonder how long it will stay that way, and when it is filled, who will it be. It is in that moment that I feel the gravity of the situation and wonder how I ended up here exactly....and I wonder how it will end.

So what do you think about in that moment at night as you lay your head down on a pillow that's not yours, in a house that's not yours, in room....or living room....that's not yours, with the emptiness next to you.....so what are you thinking in that moment before you drift off to sleep. Do you realize the magnitude of the decisions you made, but stuff it down so quickly that you don't even notice?

Do you think about us.....do you think about your wife and daughter?

Quickly getting use to life without you,

Your Baby Mama

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