Dear POS,
This some keeps replaying through my head...I wonder when I will finally be free of you....
Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only what we're fighting for
All that I say, I say more
I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under you thumb I can't breathe
I won't let you, close enough to hurt
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you give me
It's time to say good bye
To turning tables
To turning tables
Under haunted skies I see you
Where there was love, your ghost is found
I braved a hounred storms to leave
As hard as you try, no I'll never be knocked down
And I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe
I won't let you, close enough to hurt
No I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you what you think you gave me
It's time to say good bye to turning tables
To turning tables
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own to feet
I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye
To turning tables
To turning tables
To turning tables....
Middle Finger to the sky,
The bitch you love to hate
Friday, June 10, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
You Do You....
Dear Champtastic,
I haven't written you in a while, but please don't be confused that it means you have continued to pollute my life.
I feel sorry for you quite frankly, because you will always be this way....I have no doubt to will continue to fly under the radar enough until you can squeek out and grab your next victim. Make them believe you are absolutely the most underful thing with these these clearly defined morals and goals.....and enough sweetness to give someone a root canal.....and BAM see ya bitches!
So to the smug bitch that has him now, get ready baby girl he has already started to do it to you....seeing he's fucking someone else other than you already....but I bet you didn't know that....Watch out, you fucking smug ass homewecking whore, you are about get school...Enjoy, karma's a bitch. MWUAH!
You do you....playa,
And I'll do me
I haven't written you in a while, but please don't be confused that it means you have continued to pollute my life.
I feel sorry for you quite frankly, because you will always be this way....I have no doubt to will continue to fly under the radar enough until you can squeek out and grab your next victim. Make them believe you are absolutely the most underful thing with these these clearly defined morals and goals.....and enough sweetness to give someone a root canal.....and BAM see ya bitches!
So to the smug bitch that has him now, get ready baby girl he has already started to do it to you....seeing he's fucking someone else other than you already....but I bet you didn't know that....Watch out, you fucking smug ass homewecking whore, you are about get school...Enjoy, karma's a bitch. MWUAH!
You do you....playa,
And I'll do me
Friday, December 10, 2010
162% Fubar
Dear Captain Fubar,
Maybe you are right, maybe it is all just too f*cked up beyond all repair....
53% Divorce rate for Marriages in America
40% Divorce rate for Marriages that suffered a stillbirth
+ 69% Divorce rate after an affair is discovered
162% Divorce rate for a marriage that has endured the crap we have....
Yep, that sounds about right....
Signing off,
1st Mate of the SS Fubar
Maybe you are right, maybe it is all just too f*cked up beyond all repair....
53% Divorce rate for Marriages in America
40% Divorce rate for Marriages that suffered a stillbirth
+ 69% Divorce rate after an affair is discovered
162% Divorce rate for a marriage that has endured the crap we have....
Yep, that sounds about right....
Signing off,
1st Mate of the SS Fubar
Goodbye +1
Dear Shitty,
As they went around taking a head count for our Christmas party at work...the sheet read with a list of names followed by +1......and it was then I realized. I am no longer a +1....more accurately you could say I'm -1 these days.
Your +1,
W
As they went around taking a head count for our Christmas party at work...the sheet read with a list of names followed by +1......and it was then I realized. I am no longer a +1....more accurately you could say I'm -1 these days.
Your +1,
W
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Stage IV Grade IV
Dear Corpse of my Former Husband,
Is it time to stop fighting.... time to stop hoping....time to stop trying....time to let go? Have you given us a terminal diagnosis that I have not been ready to hear? Are we doing the dead man's rally.....where someone you could swear was knocking the door suddenly seems to miraculously start doing better only to be dead by the end of the day. You suddenly have come around again...or at least 1/2 of you...is this only going to lead to you back to your catatonic state.
Stage IV...you know it is a death sentence, just not sure when
Grade IV...like wildfire....it spreads like wildfire. One day there is nothing, the next a stomach sized tumor has invaded all your major organs.
You fight and fight and fight and fight...your told you can make it....it will be OK.....that there is still hope....but then one day the doctor walks in the room and tells you it is time....time to give up, throw in the towel....accept that you are going to die soon....that the war is over.
It is so difficult to find peace with dying when you have been fight mode for so long....Always conflicted with wanting to feel the peace and acceptance of letting go but not wanting to let go of the hope...
Is it time for me to give up hope? I'm I looking for hope in a hopeless situation?
Robbed Blind,
Your Wife
Is it time to stop fighting.... time to stop hoping....time to stop trying....time to let go? Have you given us a terminal diagnosis that I have not been ready to hear? Are we doing the dead man's rally.....where someone you could swear was knocking the door suddenly seems to miraculously start doing better only to be dead by the end of the day. You suddenly have come around again...or at least 1/2 of you...is this only going to lead to you back to your catatonic state.
Stage IV...you know it is a death sentence, just not sure when
Grade IV...like wildfire....it spreads like wildfire. One day there is nothing, the next a stomach sized tumor has invaded all your major organs.
You fight and fight and fight and fight...your told you can make it....it will be OK.....that there is still hope....but then one day the doctor walks in the room and tells you it is time....time to give up, throw in the towel....accept that you are going to die soon....that the war is over.
It is so difficult to find peace with dying when you have been fight mode for so long....Always conflicted with wanting to feel the peace and acceptance of letting go but not wanting to let go of the hope...
Is it time for me to give up hope? I'm I looking for hope in a hopeless situation?
Robbed Blind,
Your Wife
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Vacation?!
Dear Craptastic Hubby,
I'm not sure what it really means if I am actually looking forward to my surgery this week. I wish it was really a vacation, but in some strange way it feels like a weird blessing to be forced to sleep; to be rendered physically out of commission for a few days. I need a break....
Maybe I can take a vacation in my head while I'm asleep during the surgery....Mexico, Bahamas, Hawaii....definitely somewhere tropical....where the sun would warm my soul, my feet would be buried in the sand and the margarita would feel cool going down. You think the anesthesiologist takes requests?
Unfortunately, there is probably not enough pharmaceuticals in the world that would even let me forget for even a few hours....even though if you told me it would, I'd probably give it ago....sometimes I want to run away too.
Well, at least part of everyday lately....I fight the urge to check out...
my day typically goes like this:
wake up (without you)
get dressed and pack our girl's stuff for the day (without you)
wake her up, dress and feed her (without you)
hope to catch a smile or two to carry my through the day
Fight every inch of me that wants to stay at home with our baby
don't kiss you goodbye, don't say I love you more and have a great day, drive safe
drive to the sitter's and begrudgingly drop her off
drag myself into work, but somehow welcoming the distraction
painstakingly watch the minutes tick by for my shift to end while obsessively checking my phone to see if you called wanting to see her....or me
Leave work to pick-up our girl
wonder if you decided to be cruel and take her from the sitter's
breathe a sigh of relief when I get there and realize you know I would make your life a living hell if you tried
take our baby girl home (without you)
play with her and talk to her about her day (without you)
read books with her (without you)
give her a bath and feed her (without you)
hold her as she goes to sleep and sing her songs (without you)
put her to bed kissing her and telling her sweet dreams (without you)
Desperately try to keep myself busy with mindless things
wonder if I take an ambien at 8:30 would last until morning
Check my phone looking for a text from you
cook dinner or baked goods...I call it cook therapy (without you)
force myself to eat a few bites food (without you)
wash her bottle and get things ready for the next day (without you)
check my phone for a message from you
wonder what you are doing
wonder how you are ok with seeing out baby as little as you do
wonder why you are acting like this
Decide 9:30 is late enough and down an ambien like its tylenol
long for it to kick in, avoiding going to bed as long as possible
my eyes get heavy and I stagger into the bathroom and get ready for bed(without you)
I kiss our girl and say goodnight to Luke (without you)
pull the covers up and turn out the light (without you)
feel the weigh of the emptiness next to me
feel the hollowness of the room as it leaks into the rest of the house
Long for sleep to take over and let me escape for a few hours
give in and close my eyes
drift off to sleep (without you)
I'm not sure what it really means if I am actually looking forward to my surgery this week. I wish it was really a vacation, but in some strange way it feels like a weird blessing to be forced to sleep; to be rendered physically out of commission for a few days. I need a break....
Maybe I can take a vacation in my head while I'm asleep during the surgery....Mexico, Bahamas, Hawaii....definitely somewhere tropical....where the sun would warm my soul, my feet would be buried in the sand and the margarita would feel cool going down. You think the anesthesiologist takes requests?
Unfortunately, there is probably not enough pharmaceuticals in the world that would even let me forget for even a few hours....even though if you told me it would, I'd probably give it ago....sometimes I want to run away too.
Well, at least part of everyday lately....I fight the urge to check out...
my day typically goes like this:
wake up (without you)
get dressed and pack our girl's stuff for the day (without you)
wake her up, dress and feed her (without you)
hope to catch a smile or two to carry my through the day
Fight every inch of me that wants to stay at home with our baby
don't kiss you goodbye, don't say I love you more and have a great day, drive safe
drive to the sitter's and begrudgingly drop her off
drag myself into work, but somehow welcoming the distraction
painstakingly watch the minutes tick by for my shift to end while obsessively checking my phone to see if you called wanting to see her....or me
Leave work to pick-up our girl
wonder if you decided to be cruel and take her from the sitter's
breathe a sigh of relief when I get there and realize you know I would make your life a living hell if you tried
take our baby girl home (without you)
play with her and talk to her about her day (without you)
read books with her (without you)
give her a bath and feed her (without you)
hold her as she goes to sleep and sing her songs (without you)
put her to bed kissing her and telling her sweet dreams (without you)
Desperately try to keep myself busy with mindless things
wonder if I take an ambien at 8:30 would last until morning
Check my phone looking for a text from you
cook dinner or baked goods...I call it cook therapy (without you)
force myself to eat a few bites food (without you)
wash her bottle and get things ready for the next day (without you)
check my phone for a message from you
wonder what you are doing
wonder how you are ok with seeing out baby as little as you do
wonder why you are acting like this
Decide 9:30 is late enough and down an ambien like its tylenol
long for it to kick in, avoiding going to bed as long as possible
my eyes get heavy and I stagger into the bathroom and get ready for bed(without you)
I kiss our girl and say goodnight to Luke (without you)
pull the covers up and turn out the light (without you)
feel the weigh of the emptiness next to me
feel the hollowness of the room as it leaks into the rest of the house
Long for sleep to take over and let me escape for a few hours
give in and close my eyes
drift off to sleep (without you)
dream about you
wake up multiple times unsettled (without you)
look next to me hoping you'll be there
thinking about calling you....sometimes I do
make myself close my eyes again (without you)
sleep a few hours out of shear exhaustion (without you)
Do it all again (without you)
Moving on (without you)
....so yeah I'm looking forward to my surgery....mini-vacation. The kind every girl dreams of!!
Hope you are enjoying yours,
Mrs. So Stressed it is Making Me Phyiscally Sick
Monday, September 27, 2010
Isn't it Funny?
Dear Ghost of my Husband,
The irony that I obssessed about you dying while you were away and starting your affair. I couldn't conceive of you dying and being able to pick up the pieces and being able to move on...I thought you were the glue....
I hate to say it, but I think it would be easier if you were dead. Atleast I could live in the delusion that you loved me, and the relationship and person I thought we had and you were would still be intact.
Wow, how I never thought those words would past through my head about you...
Farewell mirage,
The Weeping Widow
P.S. I realize now, I'm the glue....
The irony that I obssessed about you dying while you were away and starting your affair. I couldn't conceive of you dying and being able to pick up the pieces and being able to move on...I thought you were the glue....
I hate to say it, but I think it would be easier if you were dead. Atleast I could live in the delusion that you loved me, and the relationship and person I thought we had and you were would still be intact.
Wow, how I never thought those words would past through my head about you...
Farewell mirage,
The Weeping Widow
P.S. I realize now, I'm the glue....
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