Dear H,
As I sit here next to you, I have so much to say...but then you already heard it all. So i have nothing to say....small talk is forced and uncomfortable....and pales in the light of the situation. Who gives a shit about what you remember about preschool anyway. Funny, how your memory works OK when you want it to...
I have felt a shift within me I never thought I would felt over the past week. I went from worrying you didn't love me and didn't even want to be around me....to ME not wanting to be around YOU!
Who has the dead feelings now?!
This is the first time I have ever felt like I didn't want to be around you.....that scares me....I always want to be around you and now I don't. As you would say, what does that mean? And how can I make myself feel something that's not there?
I guess there is only so much hurt one person can take....only so many lies. I guess I have reached my limit. I have reached a place of not caring...you are going to do what you want when you want without regard to me or us as a family.
If I feel any emotion towards you, it is anger....so I guess this is what you feel like.
Sincerely,
Your W
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
First of Many
Dear Love,
It has nearly been one month since the Earth cracked for the second time. the first being when L died and the 2nd being, well....you know. There are moments I feel you so near and it makes me believe that we can do this and we'll make it our on the other side stronger and more in love than ever.
Then...then there are moments you are so far away, and I am not even sure you want to come back.
I don't want to be the fool, but I don't want to be the person that gives up so easily when things get rough. So I am going to try this on for size.
Letters...letters to you speaking of my heart and whatever is in it at the moment. I know you'll probably never ready these and that's OK...probably better that way. I fear I don't know the balance of talking about it so we can work things out, and where it crosses into pushing you further away.
My hope is that these letters will let me say what my heart and mind need to say....as many times as they mean to say it.
Until next time my love,
Your Wife
It has nearly been one month since the Earth cracked for the second time. the first being when L died and the 2nd being, well....you know. There are moments I feel you so near and it makes me believe that we can do this and we'll make it our on the other side stronger and more in love than ever.
Then...then there are moments you are so far away, and I am not even sure you want to come back.
I don't want to be the fool, but I don't want to be the person that gives up so easily when things get rough. So I am going to try this on for size.
Letters...letters to you speaking of my heart and whatever is in it at the moment. I know you'll probably never ready these and that's OK...probably better that way. I fear I don't know the balance of talking about it so we can work things out, and where it crosses into pushing you further away.
My hope is that these letters will let me say what my heart and mind need to say....as many times as they mean to say it.
Until next time my love,
Your Wife
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