Dear Douche Bag of a Husband,
We would joke that whenever you were oblivious to something, usually small, that I needed your help with; instead of getting mad and snapping at you I would say "I got it."
So it used to be opening the door when my hands were full, help carrying things in from outside, doing the dishes after dinner, but now.....now this is the ultimate "I got it!"
Our daughter....don't worry, I got it.
Ass kicking punt back into reality,
Your desperately trying to keep it together wife.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
It is Time
Dear DH,
It is time. It is time for me to stand. It is time for me to keep the promises to myself, not just ones I made to you. It is time to put our baby girl is first, and I stop putting up with your selfish behavior.
It is time for you to gain clarity and get your priorities in order. It is time for you to stop making excuses and sit in the sting of what you have done. It is time for you to stop running, avoiding and blaming.
It is time for me to find out what I really want. To decided if I want to continue. The fight in me is no longer for us, it is for our daughter and it will remain that way. You want us to work? Then here is your chance to show it honestly, naked and bare.
I hope you can find yourself, because this is not you.
It is time....
It is time for you to leave.
Love and peace,
DW
It is time. It is time for me to stand. It is time for me to keep the promises to myself, not just ones I made to you. It is time to put our baby girl is first, and I stop putting up with your selfish behavior.
It is time for you to gain clarity and get your priorities in order. It is time for you to stop making excuses and sit in the sting of what you have done. It is time for you to stop running, avoiding and blaming.
It is time for me to find out what I really want. To decided if I want to continue. The fight in me is no longer for us, it is for our daughter and it will remain that way. You want us to work? Then here is your chance to show it honestly, naked and bare.
I hope you can find yourself, because this is not you.
It is time....
It is time for you to leave.
Love and peace,
DW
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Burn
Dear Liar,
Funny how this song is on the radio all the time right now....so fitting....
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and watch my cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
in my windpipe and I can't breathe
But I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High off of love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before I'm about to drown
He resuscitates me
He fucking hates me
And I love it
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't, come back
We are running right back
Here we go again. It is so insane
'Cause when it's going go
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in my bag
He's Lois Lane
But when its bad
It's awful
I'm so ashamed
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
It's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and watch me cry
It's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie.....
Love,
Mrs. Gullible
Funny how this song is on the radio all the time right now....so fitting....
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and watch my cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
in my windpipe and I can't breathe
But I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High off of love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before I'm about to drown
He resuscitates me
He fucking hates me
And I love it
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't, come back
We are running right back
Here we go again. It is so insane
'Cause when it's going go
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in my bag
He's Lois Lane
But when its bad
It's awful
I'm so ashamed
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
It's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and watch me cry
It's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie.....
Love,
Mrs. Gullible
Monday, August 16, 2010
No. 1
Dear Hubs,
I can't believe it took me this long to put it together....I think I knew on some level, but I just put it all together in a very clear picture.
Four times you have freaked out, verbally beat me down and left....four times....each time siting nearly the same reasons....We are so different....you always had hesitations....I look good on paper....you should want to be with me since I treat you well....you just don't feel the sparks like you think you should....you don't feel like you can talk to me....and so on and so on....
No 1. February 2003- We were 3 months in, kind of at that point where we were either going to turn the corner and "do this thing" or we were going to call it "well, that was fun." We were on our way home from our first weekend trip with friends skiing...it was a good weekend. I sucked at skiing and that frustrated, but what did you expect for my first skiing?! So I remember so clearly we were riding in the back seat home and we were passing notes back and forth with playful flirting. Somewhere during the ride I wrote a poem about how I loved spending time with you, how I thought this was the start of something wonderful, and talked about you always saying, "Hey, Beautiful!" You always called me Beautiful...like it was my nickname....I felt so special...I wasn't use to someone telling me I was beautiful, but it was sure nice...surreal that someone could truly see me that way, but really really nice.
So, I got the guts to let you read the poem I wrote.....and from that point on it all felt different... to this day you never said "Hey, Beautiful" again....not even once more. You shifted in your seat for the remainder of the trip....as if you were waiting for the dentist to call you back for a root canal. The week that followed was awkward with you seemingly more distant everyday that passed....you assured me nothing was wrong, but in my gut I knew different. You found excuses for way you didn't want to hang out when we where inseparable up to that point...our conversations were flat...your eyes were blank.
Late that week, we started a dance I would have never thought we would still be dancing 8 years later....and it goes like this.
I asked and asked and probed and probed through out the week as to what was bothering you until you blew up on me over the phone one night at work telling me how unhappy you had been lately, how you just didn't want to be with me anymore, you felt something was missing, and so on and so on down the list I said earlier....you didn't speak nicely, you did not speak respectful...well you didn't speak really...you yelled...cutting me down as low as you could.
And you disappeared...
You answered no phone calls...you would not talk to me any further....no response to my messages....and then when I had said to myself, "Well I guess I was wrong and what I felt we were headed was wrong" You call, drunk at home alone, tail tucked and head hung, you asked me to come over so we could talk.
So, completely already head over heels for you, I say ok....you go on about how you thought about it and realized you did want to be with me and that you were just scared about starting a serious relationship with me...I treat you well....I had all the qualities you were looking for...we had fun together....so what was the problem? You should be happy as a clam with me, and so on and so on....
So we went on our way together, things seemed like they never really happened....I assumed we just stood and the proverbial fork in the road of new relationships....and we chose our path of "giving this thing a go." Every relationship has a gut check moment, right?!
This was No. 1....
XOXO,
DW
I can't believe it took me this long to put it together....I think I knew on some level, but I just put it all together in a very clear picture.
Four times you have freaked out, verbally beat me down and left....four times....each time siting nearly the same reasons....We are so different....you always had hesitations....I look good on paper....you should want to be with me since I treat you well....you just don't feel the sparks like you think you should....you don't feel like you can talk to me....and so on and so on....
No 1. February 2003- We were 3 months in, kind of at that point where we were either going to turn the corner and "do this thing" or we were going to call it "well, that was fun." We were on our way home from our first weekend trip with friends skiing...it was a good weekend. I sucked at skiing and that frustrated, but what did you expect for my first skiing?! So I remember so clearly we were riding in the back seat home and we were passing notes back and forth with playful flirting. Somewhere during the ride I wrote a poem about how I loved spending time with you, how I thought this was the start of something wonderful, and talked about you always saying, "Hey, Beautiful!" You always called me Beautiful...like it was my nickname....I felt so special...I wasn't use to someone telling me I was beautiful, but it was sure nice...surreal that someone could truly see me that way, but really really nice.
So, I got the guts to let you read the poem I wrote.....and from that point on it all felt different... to this day you never said "Hey, Beautiful" again....not even once more. You shifted in your seat for the remainder of the trip....as if you were waiting for the dentist to call you back for a root canal. The week that followed was awkward with you seemingly more distant everyday that passed....you assured me nothing was wrong, but in my gut I knew different. You found excuses for way you didn't want to hang out when we where inseparable up to that point...our conversations were flat...your eyes were blank.
Late that week, we started a dance I would have never thought we would still be dancing 8 years later....and it goes like this.
I asked and asked and probed and probed through out the week as to what was bothering you until you blew up on me over the phone one night at work telling me how unhappy you had been lately, how you just didn't want to be with me anymore, you felt something was missing, and so on and so on down the list I said earlier....you didn't speak nicely, you did not speak respectful...well you didn't speak really...you yelled...cutting me down as low as you could.
And you disappeared...
You answered no phone calls...you would not talk to me any further....no response to my messages....and then when I had said to myself, "Well I guess I was wrong and what I felt we were headed was wrong" You call, drunk at home alone, tail tucked and head hung, you asked me to come over so we could talk.
So, completely already head over heels for you, I say ok....you go on about how you thought about it and realized you did want to be with me and that you were just scared about starting a serious relationship with me...I treat you well....I had all the qualities you were looking for...we had fun together....so what was the problem? You should be happy as a clam with me, and so on and so on....
So we went on our way together, things seemed like they never really happened....I assumed we just stood and the proverbial fork in the road of new relationships....and we chose our path of "giving this thing a go." Every relationship has a gut check moment, right?!
This was No. 1....
XOXO,
DW
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Can't Afford to Leave You....Can't Afford to Stay
Dear H,
I can't afford to leave you...literally....I can't afford a divorce...even if I want one; I can't afford it. We barely can afford our life as a married couple....certainly can't afford to separate it. Then there is the whole idea of separating Isa from being with us both everyday....don't even want to think of that....I know we always said we wouldn't stay together for our children, but so easier said than done.
I can't afford to stay can continue to be treated this way. It goes against every promise I made to myself and my children. I promised to not continue the circle that started generations before me...one of abuse, lying, low self-worth....I wouldn't teach those lessons to my children. I would make it different. I remember so clearly the day I realized my family could be anything I wanted it to be; that my story didn't have to be my children's story. I cried...cried tears of joy....you were there even though you probably don't remember that....but here I am not staring the crossroads in my face. If I stay will it be history repeating itself? Can things really change between us? Can life long habits be changed? Can a mountain of lies be forgiven?
So do I stay or do I go.....if only I knew the right answer....
Junk punk and a poke to the eye,
DW
I can't afford to leave you...literally....I can't afford a divorce...even if I want one; I can't afford it. We barely can afford our life as a married couple....certainly can't afford to separate it. Then there is the whole idea of separating Isa from being with us both everyday....don't even want to think of that....I know we always said we wouldn't stay together for our children, but so easier said than done.
I can't afford to stay can continue to be treated this way. It goes against every promise I made to myself and my children. I promised to not continue the circle that started generations before me...one of abuse, lying, low self-worth....I wouldn't teach those lessons to my children. I would make it different. I remember so clearly the day I realized my family could be anything I wanted it to be; that my story didn't have to be my children's story. I cried...cried tears of joy....you were there even though you probably don't remember that....but here I am not staring the crossroads in my face. If I stay will it be history repeating itself? Can things really change between us? Can life long habits be changed? Can a mountain of lies be forgiven?
So do I stay or do I go.....if only I knew the right answer....
Junk punk and a poke to the eye,
DW
Like a Crack Addict
Dear H,
I love that you want credit that you are "trying" for somethings. You reduced the number and kind of text messages and calls to K and you want credit.
I approach you yet again with an extremely pointed question about something you have done and you finally wised up to the fact if I ask I have hard evidence to back it....and I no longer accept "I don't remember" as an answer. So, you admit and want credit for not lying, even though you lied about it before in the past...I just didn't have proof.
I feel like I am talking to a crack addict that really needs to go to rehab and says they want to, but then they keep slipping back....and I they can say, "See I think I've made a significant decrease....doesn't that count for anything?"
Nope, you are still smoking crack....
Nope, your still lying...
Mwuah,
Your W
I love that you want credit that you are "trying" for somethings. You reduced the number and kind of text messages and calls to K and you want credit.
I approach you yet again with an extremely pointed question about something you have done and you finally wised up to the fact if I ask I have hard evidence to back it....and I no longer accept "I don't remember" as an answer. So, you admit and want credit for not lying, even though you lied about it before in the past...I just didn't have proof.
I feel like I am talking to a crack addict that really needs to go to rehab and says they want to, but then they keep slipping back....and I they can say, "See I think I've made a significant decrease....doesn't that count for anything?"
Nope, you are still smoking crack....
Nope, your still lying...
Mwuah,
Your W
Friday, August 13, 2010
Busted.....again!
Dear Hubby,
You suck at lying....just thought I'd tell you. You can count this as an exercise in how to cheat better on your next wife.
XOXO asshole!
Your Fing idiot of a wife for continuing to put up with this
You suck at lying....just thought I'd tell you. You can count this as an exercise in how to cheat better on your next wife.
XOXO asshole!
Your Fing idiot of a wife for continuing to put up with this
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Small Victory?!
Dear DH,
I guess I am supposed to count it as a small victory that your anger towards me has decreased and you no longer dread being around me....yea for me!
So what happens now, if I don't want to be around you?
Keepin' it real,
Your DW
I guess I am supposed to count it as a small victory that your anger towards me has decreased and you no longer dread being around me....yea for me!
So what happens now, if I don't want to be around you?
Keepin' it real,
Your DW
Monday, August 9, 2010
Reconciliation
Dear darling Husband of mine,
Is it because things where not living up to the utopic image in your mind?
The mortgage was smaller...the salaries were bigger...cars were nicer...the debt didn't exists...your wife was thinner... and more attractive...the career was more distinguished...the letters after your name were MD...the babies came later... all the babies lived...the bumps in the road were smaller....and further apart...you were always "in love" with your wife...that it worked on paper and in real life...the house was always magically clean...dinner was always cooked...you wanted to "be romantic" and do "surprises" for your wife....you'd want take her places....go on trips together...that you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off of her...she would have great health....she would be into sports....she would drink....she would always know what to say....she would like the same kind of music...that she wasn't me...
And did the shear shock of "life", and denial of reality draw you to K? Did K bring you back to a place where you were single, and all of the "life" that has happened to you for one moment (well, actually many moments) felt like it never happened? Is that why?? It wasn't suppose to be like this, right?!
I guess the more important question now is can you reconcile your ideal with reality and be happy with that.....that looks like a lot of reconciliation, if you ask me!
Yours truly,
Your wife
Is it because things where not living up to the utopic image in your mind?
The mortgage was smaller...the salaries were bigger...cars were nicer...the debt didn't exists...your wife was thinner... and more attractive...the career was more distinguished...the letters after your name were MD...the babies came later... all the babies lived...the bumps in the road were smaller....and further apart...you were always "in love" with your wife...that it worked on paper and in real life...the house was always magically clean...dinner was always cooked...you wanted to "be romantic" and do "surprises" for your wife....you'd want take her places....go on trips together...that you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off of her...she would have great health....she would be into sports....she would drink....she would always know what to say....she would like the same kind of music...that she wasn't me...
And did the shear shock of "life", and denial of reality draw you to K? Did K bring you back to a place where you were single, and all of the "life" that has happened to you for one moment (well, actually many moments) felt like it never happened? Is that why?? It wasn't suppose to be like this, right?!
I guess the more important question now is can you reconcile your ideal with reality and be happy with that.....that looks like a lot of reconciliation, if you ask me!
Yours truly,
Your wife
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