Can't Afford to Leave You....Can't Afford to Stay

Dear H,

I can't afford to leave you...literally....I can't afford a divorce...even if I want one; I can't afford it. We barely can afford our life as a married couple....certainly can't afford to separate it. Then there is the whole idea of separating Isa from being with us both everyday....don't even want to think of that....I know we always said we wouldn't stay together for our children, but so easier said than done.

I can't afford to stay can continue to be treated this way. It goes against every promise I made to myself and my children. I promised to not continue the circle that started generations before me...one of abuse, lying, low self-worth....I wouldn't teach those lessons to my children. I would make it different. I remember so clearly the day I realized my family could be anything I wanted it to be; that my story didn't have to be my children's story. I cried...cried tears of joy....you were there even though you probably don't remember that....but here I am not staring the crossroads in my face. If I stay will it be history repeating itself? Can things really change between us? Can life long habits be changed? Can a mountain of lies be forgiven?

So do I stay or do I go.....if only I knew the right answer....


Junk punk and a poke to the eye,

DW